So I've been trying really hard lately to watch my money more closely. I've been trying to save up some money so I can buy a car. I'm terrified mine is going to break down any day now. This is not easy for me. I love to spend money.
I also have been thinking a lot about all the stuff I have and how I don't really need new things. I love to buy new things for not just me but for other people too. I have been trying to use up all the many varieties of shampoo I have under my cabinet and the make up I've bought and didn't use before buying anything new. This is especially difficult in light of the holiday "Black Friday." For the past few years, my sister and I have gone shopping on this fantastic shopping holiday. I try to Christmas shop but I end up just shopping for myself. They have the best deals. I set aside some money for black Friday shopping and really planned on sticking to budget.
First stop was Target, I did pretty well. I bought one sweater for myself and did some Christmas shopping. I was feeling pretty good about it all. In past years, I would have bought the sweater in multiple colors and a couple of other great deals in the clothing department. Next stop was Old Navy. I wanted a pair of jeans because of my recent weight gain, I only had a couple of pairs that fit and they were on sale for $15. Well, the deals at Old Navy were amazing. Before I knew it, I had picked up 2 dresses, several sweaters, a skirt, a couple of tank tops with bling on them and the pair of jeans I went in for. I narrowed it down to a reasonable, 1 sweater, 1 dress, 1 skirt and 1 pair of jeans. I was really proud of myself. We went shoe shopping and to the mall after this and I didn't buy a thing. It helped that my sister bought me the rain boots I wanted for Christmas.
At the mall this time of year, there are angel trees set up all over the place. They are sponsored by the Salvation Army with the wants and needs of children and senior citizens. My sister and I were looking at the requests as we waited for someone to finish looking in another store. As I looked at these simple requests, like underwear and pajamas and coloring books and art supplies. Tears started to fill my eyes. (I absolutely hate crying in public so I of course would have denied that I was crying at all.) I have so much. I don't need one single new thing for Christmas or to buy myself. I started to feel so guilty for the money that I spent on myself. I got two requests off the angel tree and I felt a little better. But as I was loading my stuff back in my car to go home, the guilt took over. I found myself driving to Old Navy and taking back everything that I bought there. It just felt like the right thing for me to do.
I don't say this to toot my own horn. I felt pretty awful the whole way around. I felt awful about having all this stuff I don't need and I felt awful taking it back. I really liked my new clothes. Like I said, I love shopping. I cried the whole way home and I'm not sure I was crying because of those that don't have things or because of the things I was took back.
One of the ways, I've been trying to motivate myself to spend less is by reading books about money. I know you can't read a book and make magic happen. But I was reading Adam Hamilton's book Enough. It's a short, easy read if you are interested in the topic. It was good for me to read the Biblical perspective on this whole concept. He quotes a lot of scripture. So much so, it is almost too hard to remember any of it. But the biggest thing I took from the book was being content with the things we have and realizing that fulfillment will only come through God, not the amount of stuff that we have. I'm trying to keep this in mind this holiday season. He offers some key tags to help remind you of this. It has this prayer on it:
"Lord, help me to be grateful for what I have, to remember that I don't need most of what I want, and that joy is found in simplicity and generosity." Adam Hamilton, Enough.
The holidays are one of those times I think we forget that joy is found in simplicity and generosity. I hope that your holidays are filled with joy and not stress and running around getting more stuff.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
"I know the plans I have for you"
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
I have been struggling for the past month or so with the idea that God has a plan for my life. I know that it is true and I have faith in it. But it isn't going like I thought it would. Part of all this self doubt has to due with men. I hate to admit that but it's true. I need to back up a bit. For most of my adult life, I haven't had any serious relationships. I might date but I find it hard to have relationships when I have been hurt in the past. But for the past year, I decided to be proactive about it. I have been trying online dating. I've tried match.com and eharmony. I've been on quite a lot of dates. The girls in my youth group like to say I throw guys away because I don't stick to one for long. But this summer, I met someone I thought I really liked and it was going somewhere. We dated most of the summer and into the school year. But about a month ago, he broke up with me and I have no idea why. I don't know what happened. To be really honest, it is probably for the best. I was letting my focus from other things, especially God, slide because of this guy. But it got me thinking about the fact that I'm almost 30 and no where near getting married or starting a family. The thing I want most in the world is to be a mom. I don't even really want to be a wife like I want to be a mom. Having my first niece and seeing what a great mom my sister is, just makes me want to be a mom more. I've found myself jealous of friends on facebook who are not having their first baby but having their second, third or fourth babies. Since this guy broke up with me, I've heard a lot of cliches. Like, "there's someone great out there for you," or "You'll meet someone who's right for you." There is no comfort in those words. Maybe there isn't anyone out there for me and maybe that's ok. Maybe God's plan doesn't involve me getting married. I'm ok with that until I realize that maybe that means that I'm not going to be a mother either. I can't stand that thought. I would make a great mother. I have experience with all my kids at school and church. I've known since I was in college that it might be difficult for me to have children the more traditional way. I have some hormone issues that could make it difficult to get pregnant. So I've been prepared to adopt or even being a foster parent. Since I've been having all this doubt about my life, I've been thinking seriously about trying to be a foster parent now. It is something that I'm really struggling with and trying to figure out what God has planned. There is part of me that thinks I shouldn't have to wait on a man to have what I want most. But another part of me wonders if I can do it alone. If it is even fair to a child for me to do it alone. My mom reminded me that I wouldn't be alone. That the child would have a Nana and a Pop that would love them. My parents have already shown me how much they can love a child that isn't their own. They have adopted a former student of mine who doesn't have a mom and goes to our church. Last night, I realized that maybe I already have adopted a child. That this former student needs a mother and already thinks of me as one. I don't know if anyone else has these same struggles with purpose in their lives. I'm guessing they do. We need to be in prayer for each other that we find our way and we find our purpose. I know I could use all the prayers I can get. What are you struggling with in trying to figure out the plans God has for you?
I have been struggling for the past month or so with the idea that God has a plan for my life. I know that it is true and I have faith in it. But it isn't going like I thought it would. Part of all this self doubt has to due with men. I hate to admit that but it's true. I need to back up a bit. For most of my adult life, I haven't had any serious relationships. I might date but I find it hard to have relationships when I have been hurt in the past. But for the past year, I decided to be proactive about it. I have been trying online dating. I've tried match.com and eharmony. I've been on quite a lot of dates. The girls in my youth group like to say I throw guys away because I don't stick to one for long. But this summer, I met someone I thought I really liked and it was going somewhere. We dated most of the summer and into the school year. But about a month ago, he broke up with me and I have no idea why. I don't know what happened. To be really honest, it is probably for the best. I was letting my focus from other things, especially God, slide because of this guy. But it got me thinking about the fact that I'm almost 30 and no where near getting married or starting a family. The thing I want most in the world is to be a mom. I don't even really want to be a wife like I want to be a mom. Having my first niece and seeing what a great mom my sister is, just makes me want to be a mom more. I've found myself jealous of friends on facebook who are not having their first baby but having their second, third or fourth babies. Since this guy broke up with me, I've heard a lot of cliches. Like, "there's someone great out there for you," or "You'll meet someone who's right for you." There is no comfort in those words. Maybe there isn't anyone out there for me and maybe that's ok. Maybe God's plan doesn't involve me getting married. I'm ok with that until I realize that maybe that means that I'm not going to be a mother either. I can't stand that thought. I would make a great mother. I have experience with all my kids at school and church. I've known since I was in college that it might be difficult for me to have children the more traditional way. I have some hormone issues that could make it difficult to get pregnant. So I've been prepared to adopt or even being a foster parent. Since I've been having all this doubt about my life, I've been thinking seriously about trying to be a foster parent now. It is something that I'm really struggling with and trying to figure out what God has planned. There is part of me that thinks I shouldn't have to wait on a man to have what I want most. But another part of me wonders if I can do it alone. If it is even fair to a child for me to do it alone. My mom reminded me that I wouldn't be alone. That the child would have a Nana and a Pop that would love them. My parents have already shown me how much they can love a child that isn't their own. They have adopted a former student of mine who doesn't have a mom and goes to our church. Last night, I realized that maybe I already have adopted a child. That this former student needs a mother and already thinks of me as one. I don't know if anyone else has these same struggles with purpose in their lives. I'm guessing they do. We need to be in prayer for each other that we find our way and we find our purpose. I know I could use all the prayers I can get. What are you struggling with in trying to figure out the plans God has for you?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Mean Girls
Last week, one of my friends and I went to see Legally Blonde, musical. It was loads of fun and definitely a girls night. Or as we like to call it Sarah and Kerri's Date night. We had dinner before hand at Cafe 4 really close to the theater. There were lots of other women there on a date night before going to see the play. If you're familiar with the movie Legally Blonde, than you're familiar with the musical. It was the same only with music and maybe a little more humor. There's a part in the beginning where the main character, Elle Woods isn't prepared for class. When the professor asks a fellow female classmate what should happen to her, the girl says she would kick her out. Elle's response was we girls need to stick together. Something about the scene stuck with me. I was surrounded by many women of different backgrounds and ages enjoying this girls night. It got me thinking that yes we girls need to stick together. We need to launch an attack on all mean girls. And we've all been a mean girl at some point in our lives. It saddens me to think that it starts young and continues on into adult hood even though we think of it as only a teenage girl problem.
Later that evening, I got a voice mail from a good friend who has a daughter in second grade. The second grader is one of my most favorite children. She's sweet, smart, inquisitive and sensitive. I've never seen her be mean to anyone (except for maybe her younger brother). My friend was concerned because her 7 year old daughter was experiencing mean girls in second grade. Another little girl was ignoring her each time she tried to play with her on the playground. My friend was wanting to know if I had witnessed any of this on the playground and wasn't really sure what to do. Sure enough, the next day, the girl came and hugged me for a good five minutes. She was having trouble finding someone to play with and it broke my heart.
I'm sure that there are mean girls in your life even as an adult and I'm sure that there are moments when you are a mean girl. I know that I have my mean girl moments even when I try not to. This past week was a reminder to me that we need to encourage our young girls to stick together and we need to stick together. I try really hard to be a good role model for the girls that I come into contact with. My students at school and the youth at church. Two Sundays ago, I realized I have another important role model position as an aunt. My niece, Sophie, was christened on October 24th. As my sister and brother in law stood before the church and promised to raise Sophie in a christian environment, the church promised to support that family. I realized that I was promising to be a good christian woman role model for my niece. I look up to my aunts and the women in my life and Sophie is going to do the same. So starting with myself, I'm going to try to watch my tongue and try not to say disparaging things but only things that lift others. Together we can eliminate mean girls.
Ephesians 4: 29 - Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Later that evening, I got a voice mail from a good friend who has a daughter in second grade. The second grader is one of my most favorite children. She's sweet, smart, inquisitive and sensitive. I've never seen her be mean to anyone (except for maybe her younger brother). My friend was concerned because her 7 year old daughter was experiencing mean girls in second grade. Another little girl was ignoring her each time she tried to play with her on the playground. My friend was wanting to know if I had witnessed any of this on the playground and wasn't really sure what to do. Sure enough, the next day, the girl came and hugged me for a good five minutes. She was having trouble finding someone to play with and it broke my heart.
I'm sure that there are mean girls in your life even as an adult and I'm sure that there are moments when you are a mean girl. I know that I have my mean girl moments even when I try not to. This past week was a reminder to me that we need to encourage our young girls to stick together and we need to stick together. I try really hard to be a good role model for the girls that I come into contact with. My students at school and the youth at church. Two Sundays ago, I realized I have another important role model position as an aunt. My niece, Sophie, was christened on October 24th. As my sister and brother in law stood before the church and promised to raise Sophie in a christian environment, the church promised to support that family. I realized that I was promising to be a good christian woman role model for my niece. I look up to my aunts and the women in my life and Sophie is going to do the same. So starting with myself, I'm going to try to watch my tongue and try not to say disparaging things but only things that lift others. Together we can eliminate mean girls.
Ephesians 4: 29 - Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
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