Black Friday Blues

So I've been trying really hard lately to watch my money more closely. I've been trying to save up some money so I can buy a car. I'm terrified mine is going to break down any day now. This is not easy for me. I love to spend money.
I also have been thinking a lot about all the stuff I have and how I don't really need new things. I love to buy new things for not just me but for other people too. I have been trying to use up all the many varieties of shampoo I have under my cabinet and the make up I've bought and didn't use before buying anything new. This is especially difficult in light of the holiday "Black Friday." For the past few years, my sister and I have gone shopping on this fantastic shopping holiday. I try to Christmas shop but I end up just shopping for myself. They have the best deals. I set aside some money for black Friday shopping and really planned on sticking to budget.
First stop was Target, I did pretty well. I bought one sweater for myself and did some Christmas shopping. I was feeling pretty good about it all. In past years, I would have bought the sweater in multiple colors and a couple of other great deals in the clothing department. Next stop was Old Navy. I wanted a pair of jeans because of my recent weight gain, I only had a couple of pairs that fit and they were on sale for $15. Well, the deals at Old Navy were amazing. Before I knew it, I had picked up 2 dresses, several sweaters, a skirt, a couple of tank tops with bling on them and the pair of jeans I went in for. I narrowed it down to a reasonable, 1 sweater, 1 dress, 1 skirt and 1 pair of jeans. I was really proud of myself. We went shoe shopping and to the mall after this and I didn't buy a thing. It helped that my sister bought me the rain boots I wanted for Christmas.
At the mall this time of year, there are angel trees set up all over the place. They are sponsored by the Salvation Army with the wants and needs of children and senior citizens. My sister and I were looking at the requests as we waited for someone to finish looking in another store. As I looked at these simple requests, like underwear and pajamas and coloring books and art supplies. Tears started to fill my eyes. (I absolutely hate crying in public so I of course would have denied that I was crying at all.) I have so much. I don't need one single new thing for Christmas or to buy myself. I started to feel so guilty for the money that I spent on myself. I got two requests off the angel tree and I felt a little better. But as I was loading my stuff back in my car to go home, the guilt took over. I found myself driving to Old Navy and taking back everything that I bought there. It just felt like the right thing for me to do.
I don't say this to toot my own horn. I felt pretty awful the whole way around. I felt awful about having all this stuff I don't need and I felt awful taking it back. I really liked my new clothes. Like I said, I love shopping. I cried the whole way home and I'm not sure I was crying because of those that don't have things or because of the things I was took back.
One of the ways, I've been trying to motivate myself to spend less is by reading books about money. I know you can't read a book and make magic happen. But I was reading Adam Hamilton's book Enough. It's a short, easy read if you are interested in the topic. It was good for me to read the Biblical perspective on this whole concept. He quotes a lot of scripture. So much so, it is almost too hard to remember any of it. But the biggest thing I took from the book was being content with the things we have and realizing that fulfillment will only come through God, not the amount of stuff that we have. I'm trying to keep this in mind this holiday season. He offers some key tags to help remind you of this. It has this prayer on it:
"Lord, help me to be grateful for what I have, to remember that I don't need most of what I want, and that joy is found in simplicity and generosity." Adam Hamilton, Enough.
The holidays are one of those times I think we forget that joy is found in simplicity and generosity. I hope that your holidays are filled with joy and not stress and running around getting more stuff.