Visioning and Jerseylicious?!

It was so rewarding to read all the responses to my post earlier this week. It was great to know that I'm not the only teacher who feels like the passion could be gone and wants to do something about it. While I was doing my Biggest Loser DVD on Tuesday, I was thinking about what the next step could be and what the next blog could be about (I am pretty sure Tuesday's was the best I had in me this week.). During the DVD, I told myself "push, push, push" when the move was hard or I wanted to quit. I frequently give myself "pep" talks during exercising. It helps me keep going. There are many different techniques used when exercising for motivation and encouragement. What if we applied these techniques to our professional and everyday lives?
When I was in 8th grade, we went to visit the high school and Carl Mays spoke to all the 8th graders there about how to achieve your dreams and be successful. He suggested using visualization where you don't just visual yourself doing things but succeeding in them. Something about this technique stuck with me. I have always visualized myself completing sporting events. In high school, it was swimming now it's running. I can picture myself running the whole route I plan on doing and completing it successful. It gives me the confidence to do it for real. I googled visualization and discovered a lot of material out there about using these techniques in everyday life. One suggested use is a vision board. (If you watch Jerseylicious on style, Olivia uses a vision board. It made me laugh to see it as a real strategy.) A vision board is a visual representation of the things that you want out of life. I like this idea. I like the idea of putting the things that I want my class to be up so I can see it every day. But what would be on there? What do I envision for my class this year? I want my students to know they are loved and in a safe place. I also want them to love learning new things and reading. I wonder if a visual reminder of these goals would help me to stay focused and not let the negative in. I could even use real pictures from classes in the past where I was successful in creating this kind of environment.
A support system is important also to keeping motivated and encouraged. It's helpful to me when exercising to have a partner to do it with. Chris and I have been running together a few times a week. It helps me because he runs a little faster than me. I try to keep up with him at the end and it makes me push myself harder. I need this same support system at school. I am working through some ideas of how we can form a support group at my school. At some of the other schools I worked at, we had prayer groups that met once a week. In one school we had a devotion, breakfast, and then prayer time. It helped bring us together, gave me a support group, and was a great way to center myself and start my day. I needed these groups during this time because my uncle had been diagnosed with ALS. An awful disease for which there is no cure. I really learned about what prayer could do.
Now that the decision has been made to stay positive and passionate this year, I need to put a plan in place to stay the course and deal with the challenges I will face.
What ideas do you have about staying motivated and encouraged?

Where has all the passion gone?

When I said last week that I believe is passion, I realized something. I have lost my passion somewhere in the past 10 years. Mostly I've lost my passion in my job and maybe that's part of doing any job for so many years. On August 17, I will starting my 8th year teaching. It will be my third loop of Kindergarten and first grade. When I was in my education classes, I kept hearing this statistic that 1 in 3 teachers will quit before their 5th year teaching. I can say at the end of my 5th year teaching I considered it. It was a hard year and I was trying to figure out where God was calling me to be. I'm so glad I didn't quit though. While it was having a mortgage and bills that kept me from quitting, it was God who kept me teaching. Slowly, I'm starting to feel the passion again. My last two years were hard but rewarding. My kids made so much progress in reading, writing and math. I worked harder than ever on coming up with new ways to do things that worked for this group of kids. But in a couple of weeks, when I'm faced with my test scores, I could hear that I didn't have a successful year at all. I could hear that my test scores were low and I'll need to work harder this year to bring them up. I have always told myself that it doesn't matter what these scores say when I know I've done everything I could. But I know in the first of August if this is what I'm told, I'll be crushed. I'll have an even harder time finding my passion for teaching. Don't think I don't love kids and teaching them. It's just all the stuff that goes with teaching that is hard sometimes. I think this is a profession that lends itself to burn out more so than most. Most years I begin the year with excitment for the new challenge. I always try to set a goal for myself of something I want to improve on in my teaching. You can even find me working in my room or on the computer getting things ready for the new year before we have to be there. But it never fails, that something will derail me. Something will come in and ruin my positive attitude. Sometimes it's in the form of other teachers who like me are tired and over worked. Mostly it's in the form of some new mandate being brought by the state. It's in the form of some kind of testing that kindergartners and first graders are not ready for. Or some ridiculous expectation that I could never meet like all my students scoring in the proficient zone but it doesn't take into consideration the kids with special needs, or the kids whose parents don't ever do any homework or read to them, or the fact that 5 and 6 year old progress at many different levels and somethings just aren't appropriate developmentally. (I know I'm on a soapbox here. I've opened a can of worms trying to explain where my passion went.) This year I really want to keep my positive attitude. I want to be excited and passionate about teaching. Last week during Wednesday night youth, the youth pastor said he believed teaching was a calling. That it was something you just had to do like being a preacher was a calling. It hit me that I was where God was calling me to be. He called me to be in the classroom. To be a voice for kids and to help them find their own voice. I have the opportunity to affect many lives in a school and I'll never take advantage of that if I let all the negative get in the way. So this year for my goal, I plan to keep my positive attitude and excitement and passion for teaching. My original thought was to shut myself up in my room if need be to keep the negative out of the room. To some extent the only way this is possible is to shut myself up in my room and ignore all other teachers. But I keep coming back to the idea of affecting lives. Kids are not the only people I interact with but also other teachers. So instead of locking myself up in my room, I need to be encouraging to the other teachers. In fact we need to be encouraging to each other. So I challenge everyone who reads this blog (thanks Sarah Martin, she's the only one I know for sure.) to encourage any teacher you know. To show them, you value what they are doing and you value their hard work. That could go a long way to keep the positive attitude. I know at my school everyone is working as hard as they possibly can and we aren't the only ones.


I'm sure I'll be challenged every corner I go around, but I know that with God anything is possible.


In Joshua 1:9 it says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. "

I believe . . .

(I have always loved to write since I was a child. Somewhere along the way I lost confidence in myself as a writer. So this summer I'm spending some time writing. It turns out I have a lot more to say at 30 than I ever did at 18. This blog is a response to a writing exercise I was working on about things I believe in. It was liberating and inspiring to write down everything I could think that I believed in. It helped me to think about my life in a new way.)


I believe in always learning something new, loving people with all you have and protecting them fiercely, that you can change a person's life and never even know it, treating people the way you want to be treated, kindness, the miracle that is life and seeing children grow and change, that Christ died for me so that I could have life and through him anything is possible, that God has called me to do something amazing with my life if I would only take the time to listen, that if we truly followed Christ's central message of love the world we live in would be different, long walks on the beach with the person you love, that people are more insecure than not, if we invested in children and education like we do sports and athletes our education system would be fixed, a rainy day is the perfect day to cuddle up with a book, being in the arms of the person you love is the best place to be, family is everything, being yourself in spite of the world, women should stick together, peanut butter and chocolate and even more so when they are mixed together, fall leaves and being outside to enjoy the changes in season, the romance of a fire, a good book where the characters are like old friends who you are reunited with every time you open it, a run outside in the woods, a strong cup of coffee with cream to start the day, encouraging those you know and those you don't know with a word or a smile, food and it's ability to bring people together and show people how much you care, the power of prayer, a positive attitude is essential but hard to maintain, showing appreciation and expressing it always, bad things happen to good people and it's how we deal with it that makes us who we are, the power of a child to brighten your day, babies change everything, when you travel with someone you learn a lot about them, you should take advantage of all the things around you, God is good and surprising and has a sense of humor, faith is essential, cakes are the best parts of weddings, having a dance party with friends, tie dye, creating something for someone is the best gift, cliches have some truth in them, that's how they became cliche, a soul mate is more than a true love it's a true friend, the youth today are not as bad as people think, they are actually pretty amazing when you get to know them, slumber parties keep you young, being an aunt is a wonderful gift, in myself. . .


I'm sure that there are more things I believe in. Every time I read it, I think of something new. What do you believe in? Find some new insights into yourself and make your own list.

Change

I haven't written in a long time. I've written stuff in my mind but nothing sounds right or I never seem to have time to do it. But I think the truth is I haven't known how to deal with all the changes I've recently been through. I almost feel like this blog is part of another life. I even considered starting a new one in hopes of starting fresh. But that would just be hiding from the changes and not owning up to my decisions. At the end of the school year, I decided to stop trying to juggle two churches. I decided to just focus on Chris's church. It was getting to hard to be a part of two youth groups and two churches. Things were starting to overlap and it was hard to decide which one to focus on. This was one of the most difficult decisions I've made. I love the kids that I spent time with at Gatlinburg First. I have been struggling with how to deal with all my feelings about them and the sadness I feel about leaving them even though I know it is the right decision. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that those kids gave me more than I could even imagine.
I was always afraid that when it came time to say I love you I would bolt. I never thought I would be able to say those words to a guy. I am not sure why I felt this way. My family says I love you all the time but I had this picture in my mind that when a guy said to me I'd be out the door. So I never said it. I closed myself off to this possibility by dating guys I would never say it to or wouldn't say it to me. But I learned to open myself up to saying I love you from the youth. They have no hesitation is saying to each other and to me. They don't just say it but they mean it. The first mission trip we went on together changed everything for me. I learned from those kids that it was ok for me to just be me and they would love me. They would love me because I loved them and because I spent time with them. On this trip, the kids helped me to see I was closed off. I had closed myself off to everyone even God. It was one youth in particular, that I developed a close bond with. He was open to everyone and a lot of this rubbed off on me. By saying I love you to the youth, it helped me to be ready to say it to a boy. So when Chris came along it was easy to tell him I loved him. He was like these kids. He accepted me for me and encouraged me in Christ just like these kids had done. So with the encouragement from Chris and the youth, I'm starting a new chapter. I'm helping with a new youth group.
I know this is the path that God is leading me to. The decision to start a new church wasn't made lightly. It was made with lots of prayer and reflection. There are still days that I'm sad about not being the kids that had such an impact on me. When I let myself, it hurts that I won't be on a mission trip with them for the summer. But I will always love and care about those kids and our relationships will always be special. That's how it is when you build a relationship around God and his kingdom. I'm not sure they will ever know what they mean to me or the impact they've had on my life. I'll be waiting and watching to see the impact they have on others even if now it is from afar.

I am here Lord!

So far this year, I have been terrible at meeting goals I've set for myself. I set 2 goals at New Year's that I haven't kept up with at all. One was writing more frequently and I've been awful about that. The second was to run in a half marathon. I did great for about 5 or 6 weeks of training but then a sinus infection got in the way. I'm pretty disappointed in myself for not going through with running the half marathon in 2 weeks. But a new season of "goals" is upon us, Lent. For Lent this year, I am trying to read my Bible everyday and intentionally follow a Bible reading plan for Lent. I also gave up worry and stress. Giving up worry and stress is pretty difficult. But I am trying to be more intentional about praying when I'm stressed about something. I'm trying to give things over to God more. I tend to like to do it myself. While I'm not being 100% successful with not worrying, I am praying more.
My first goal of reading my Bible everyday is going pretty well. Sunday and Monday of this week had some really good passages that I have been thinking a lot about. The first was the story of when Abraham follows God and leaves his homeland to go to Canaan and the second was when Abraham is to sacrifice Isaac. I've heard these stories countless times as a child and as an adult. But reading it this time, I was struck by Abraham's response to God. "Here am I, Lord." He doesn't question what God is asking him to do in either story. He accepts God's task for him. I admire the way Abraham says, "Here am I, Lord." I'm not sure if God was asking me to sacrifice my only son, I wouldn't be hiding from him.
This scripture has stayed with me on this reading. I feel like God is challenging me to be here, serving him. That he as set forth a goal for me that I can accomplish but only with my trust set in him.
I encourage you to read these passages in Genesis 12:1-9 and Genesis 22:1-19. See what challenge God has set forth for you.

Love

So much for my big new year's resolution to write more. I haven't written since then. Of course, I've had lots of ideas for things but they've never made it to the blog or any kind of paper. I've had a pretty big change in my live for the past month and half. I have fallen in love. His name is Chris and he's wonderful. We actually went to high school together and were friends back then. But I hadn't seen him a long time. He has moved back to Gatlinburg and is a vet and happen to see my driving into school one day. He found me on facebook and now we've been dating since. It has changed a lot in my life and I never thought that it would. I'm pretty sure I never knew what love was all about until now. I have become mushy and gushy and even engage in public displays of affection. I also have a new appreciation for the people that say you just know when you find the right person. Because I just know.
One of the best things that Chris and I have in common is church. He is very involved in his church and the youth programs there. I love that he's good with kids and understands where I'm coming from with the youth. He also prays for us before we eat and he prays for our relationship and the people in our lives. I think I might have fallen for him when he did this the first time.
The only issue that is coming up is where we go to church. It isn't really an issue because I've been going with him. I feel like it's the right thing to do, but it is difficult leaving my own church and the things that I'm use to. I'm pretty open minded when it comes to things. I believe there are so many ways to worship God because he's too big for one way. But it is challenging to me, to go somewhere different. I realized yesterday while sitting in the pew listening to the preacher, that maybe I was looking for things to be wrong at his church. That I was looking for my way to be the right way and wasn't necessarily giving it a chance. So hopefully, realizing this will allow me to keep an open mind.

New Year's Goals part 1

I wrote this much closer to new years day but the snow and ice has kept from being able to post it. I think I should have added to my goals, to get internet at my house. The snow days have kept me from being able to write and post like I wanted.

A new year means a fresh start for me. I have set 4 goals for myself for the year. Probably a little ambitious but I think it is manageable goals.

The first is to write more. I have always written for myself. It helps me to work out things that I'm going through or thinking about. I started this blog to write about things I was going through in hopes that other people were going through the same things. I've shifted my focus and have started thinking more about what other people might want to read. So then I don't write at all because I can't think of anything profound enough to say. So I'm going try to blog more often. And to blog more often I should probably not try to write a book each time I write.

The second goal is to run a half marathon. I got into running last spring and ran a few 5k races. I have never run more than 3 miles and until 2 weeks ago hadn't run in two months. So this is going to be a challenging goal to meet. But I think I need the challenge. Posting this on my blog and on facebook helps me keep up with it. I just started official training on Monday. So 2 days into it I'm doing well. I'm up to 3 miles and it makes me feel great. I have to push myself for the 3 miles but it's worth it. My best friend is training with me even though she's in California and my sister and brother in law are suppose to do the race too. So with all this support, I should be able to meet this goal.

In an effort to write less but more, I'll leave my other 2 goals for another day.