Is it worth it?

My life has changed a lot in the past few years. I spend a lot of time reflecting on this because it blows my mind. I can't believe the person I am now. I can't believe where my life has taken me. It is so different than where I ever thought I would be. Most of the time I'm happy with where I am and the choices that I've made. But sometimes I can't help but think, is it worth it?

In a week, I will turn 29. Only one more year in my 20s. I use to think I would be married by this point in my life and maybe even have kids. But I'm no where near that point. My grandmother recently told me that if I wasn't careful I would turn out to be an old maid. If I didn't stop spending so much time with the kids and find a man all the young ones would be taken. She doesn't agree with my choices to live in the small town of Gatlinburg and to throw myself into church and youth activities. She doesn't understand how I've drifted apart from people that I was so close to in my other life. I let this cause doubts about my life and my choices. It didn't help that I met some freinds from this other life and it wasn't what I thought it would be at all. I didn't feel like I could be myself or that we were even friends anymore. I sat in my car and cried after this. I couldn't help thinking, Is it worth it? Is being a part of church and youth costing me too much?

I left for Annual Conference at Lake Junaluska with all these doubts and fears floating around in my head. I doubted that what I was doing was even worth it. I doubted if what I felt last year as a calling was even real. I felt like I didn't have any friends and that I was all alone. But those feelings were pushed aside as I was reminded of what I love most about being a Methodist. That I am connected with all these people from Southern Virginia to Northern Georgia. From the moment, I got to Annual Conference I began to see friends and experience the God I serve. I have never been one to be emotional. I don't worship in an emotional way and don't really understand the need people have to raise their arms up when singing. I'm not judging. It's just not anything I've ever experienced at least until this night. The last song the praise band played was "The Stand." When they got to the lyrics, "So I'll stand with my arms held high and heart abandonded, in awe of the one who gave it all, so I'll stand with my soul Lord to you surrendered, all I am is yours," I found my arms in the air and tears in my eyes. I realized that it was worth it. That my life wasn't the same and it never would be. That I serve an amazing God and that giving all I have to him was what I was called to do. I've been struggling the past year trying to figure out what that means. What it means to give all I have to God. I realized that it means your life isn't your own and that things will never be the same. It also means that I'm not alone. I have God, the father, God, the son, and God the holy spirit with me always. It means that I have all these people that I'm connected with because of him. They may not be the friends I've had forever or that I went through college with but the bond is deeper and stronger.
So yes it is worth losing an old life to serve God in this new life.
"Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the father, we too may live a new life. " Romans 6:3-4